How To Love Your Husband

by Louis A. Turk, B.A., M.Div.,Ph.D.

The lesbian leaders of the humanist/atheist Woman's Liberation Movement have persuaded most women to rebel against authority, and especially the authority God has given to husbands. Such women reject their husbands, appreciate nothing their husbands do for them, and treat their husbands like doormats. Amazingly, they then wonder why their husbands eventually lose interest in trying to please them.

But this article is not for the lost, unbelieving, pagan women, but for Christian women who believe the Bible, and sincerely want to obey God's commands. Let's start by noting that God does indeed command women to love their husbands.

Titus 2:1 But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine: 2 That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience. 3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Because both men and women are born with a fallen Adamic nature, knowing to love and how to love does not come naturally, but must be learned through teaching. Titus 2:1-5 reveals that in the church God has ordained that the aged women teach the young women to love their husbands and children.

"that they may teach"

Unfortunately, due to the adverse effects of the mis-named "Woman's Liberation Movement" (it should be called the Womans Enslavement Movement), most aged women today are unable to teach love because all they know how to do is hate. When they were young women they learned from humanist sources to be selfish, hateful rebels, and so now that they are aged and should be teachers of love, they don't know what to teach. And if by some miracle they suddenly acquired the knowledge of how to love, they would still lack the respect needed to be effective teachers, for all the young women have seen in them is selfishness, bitterness, rebellion and hatred towards their husbands. The easiest way in the world for a woman to lose her daughter's respect is to be a hypocrite. Mothers influence their children to be what they are, not what they falsely claim to be. A mother's words will be mocked if they do not harmonize with her example.

"that the word of God be not blasphemed"

Notice in verse 5 of our text that if a Christian woman does not love her husband and children, she causes God's word to be blasphemed (evil spoken of, reviled, railed at). Bitterness, rebellion and hatred is not "behaviour as becometh holiness." Rather, such sinful behavior makes holiness look evil. Even pagan, infidel, humanist husbands want to be loved, and will blaspheme and dispise anything they suspect is causing them instead to be hated. Also, sons will grow up hating both women and God's word, if all they see their so-called Christian mother do is hate and try to destroy their dad. Unfortunately, blasphemers will not believe the gospel message of the Bible, and will therefore be damned to the Lake of Fire. "But the fearful, and unbelieving, ...shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death" (Rev. 21:8). A bitter, rebellious, hateful "Christian" woman can therefore be directly responsible for her children and others going to Hell. So we see that a wife's duty --- and privledgel! --- to love her husband and children must not be taken lightly.

"teach the young women ... to love their husbands"

A woman must be taught to love before she can be taught how to love.

Love is a feeling of fondness, affection, kindness, friendshp and welcoming to another individual. It is desiring the best for that individual unconditionally.

There are two Greek words translated as "love" in the English New Testament: agape and philo. The phrase "to love their husbands" is actually one compound word in the Greek New Testament: philandrous. Phil (from philo) means to love, and androus means husbands. Philo, is to be distinguished from agape. While both words mean love, agape emphasizes how we feel toward a person, while philo emphasizes our actions toward that person. Notice how both words are used in 1 Peter 1:22:

Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren (philadelphia), see that ye love (agapao) one another with a pure heart fervently.

Agape is an emotion---a feeling---, and while its results can be seen, a feeling itself cannot be seen even though it may issue from a pure heart fervently. On the other hand, philo is good actions which can be seen.

Note that philo can be feigned (phony). That is, the action can be there with great zeal so as to be very convincing, but motivated by something other than true love. For example, wicked men will often sweet-talk women and treat them very nice with the wicked motive of taking them to bed out of wedlock. They do this out of lust, not love; they are merely using the woman for selfish, wicked purposes.

Philo can also be genuine, but devoid of agape. Note in the following verse that the world (a lost person) will philo his own.

John 15:19 If ye were of the world, the world would love (philo) his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.

In other words, lost people often have genuine concern for each other, and help each other, and are nice to each other. They really do philos each other. But that does not mean that they have agape for each other. Agape would prevent them from drawing each other into sin. "Charity (agape) ... rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth" (1 Cor. 13:4-6). Agape would motive them to value the eternal destiny of their friend more then their relationship with that friend. In other words, agape would put the eternal well-being of the friend before what self might gain from a good relationship with that friend. "Charity (agape) ... seeketh not her own" (1 Cor. 13:4-5).

Love your enemies

All people everywhere are commanded by God to "love (agape) thy neighbour as thyself" (Mat. 27:39). This is the second most basic command given in the Bible; the first being "love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind" (Mat. 27:37). The following verses show that even your enemy is your neighbor, and you are to love him unconditionally.

Mat. 5:43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. 44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; 45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? 47 And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? 48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

A wife then is to love (agape), bless, do good to, and pray for her husband, even if she considers him an enemy, and even if he curses her and hates her. She is to love her husband and every other person on earth with unconditional agape love.

We can see, therefore, that it is important for a wife to both philo and agape her husband.

However, while all people in general are commanded to agape their neighbor, it is interesting to note that women are specifically commanded to "philo" their husbands, but men are specifically commanded to "agape" their wives.

Titus 2:4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love (philos) their husbands, to love their children.

Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love (agape) your wives, and be not bitter against them.

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love (agape) your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28 So ought men to love (agape) their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love (agape) his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Perhaps the significance of this is that men are to work hard to assure that the sweet words that they used to win the hearts of their wives are truly backed up by the genuine emotion of love in their hearts. If they culivate the proper feelings in their hearts, then proper actions will naturally follow.

Women, on the other hand, are to learn to impliment loving actions simply because our loving God commands it, and not only as a response to kind words. "For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye?" None. Any lost person can do that. But you claim to be a Christian. If wives will practice proper actions towards their husbands, then the proper feelings will naturally follow.

It is important to understand that both you and your husband are sinners, and sinners do not deserve to be loved. If we get what we deserve, we end up in the flames of Hell to be tormented forever for our sins. Your husband does not and never will deserve your love, nor will you ever deserve his love. But do you realize that to be loved is the most basic human need? Your husband needs to be loved, possibly even more than you need to be loved. Without the support of your love, your husband will never be able to become the person you want him to be. If you wait for your husband to be worthy of your love before you love him, you will never experience in your marriage the joy of giving love, and thus fulfilling the basic needs of another human being. Do not love with a selfish motive, for such love will soon dry up and leave you empty. Love your husband simply because your loving Heavenly Father commands it---expecting nothing in return---, knowing that God commands it because "it is more blessed to give than to receive" (Acts 20:35).

The Bible not only commands women to love their husbands, but also tells them how to , and how not to, love their husbands.

How NOT to Love Your Husband

Hatred, and bitter, contentious words are not the way to a happy marriage.

Proverbs 15:17 Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.

Proverbs 27:15 A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. 16 Whosoever hideth her hideth the wind, and the ointment of his right hand, which bewrayeth itself.

If you want peace you must not wage war. If you use sharp, cutting words toward your husband, constantly griping and complaining, then you have a heart problem which must be corrected before you will ever be able to love. "A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh" (Luke 6:45).

Since your mouth will say what is in your heart, it is neccessary to cleanse the heart before you can control the tongue.

James 3:14 But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth. 15 This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish. 16 For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work. 17 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. 18 And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.

Since words of envy and strife are "earthly, sensual, devilish," why would any Christian wife want to use them? If you want peace, then make peace. Don't nag, gripe, or complain.

How To Love Your Husband

Women need to hear kind words from their husbands. It is not sufficient that their husbands have the emotion of love in their hearts. Emotions cannot be either seen of felt except they result in right actions. Women need for that love to be expressed in words. They need to continually hear, "I love you, darling." Also, wives need constant assurance that they are the most special person next to God in their husband's eyes. And, indeed, the Bible requires even more then this of husbands, commanding them to be willing to die for their wives, even as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it. Thus God requires that a husband's kind words and sweet assurances emit from a heart filled with genuine agape love, and not be vain lies. A husband should love his wife even more than he loves his own mother. His wife should be his queen and only lover. It is a major mistake for a husband to substitute harse words for kind words, and to deny his wife those actions that make her feel special in an effort to punish her or to force her to modify her behavior. So sinning against his wife will not correct her deficencies, but will rather make things worse.

Husbands have different needs, but they are just as vital as those of the wife. By meeting these basic needs of your husband, you can bring meaning and fulfilment not only to your husband's life, but also to your own.

Here is how to love your husband:

Love your husband by meeting his need for intimacy.

By intimacy I do not mean sex, although in the marriage relationship sex is certainly included in intimacy, for without sex marriage is fraud. However, intimacy is much broader than sex. Intimacy is to know and be known in every way without fear. "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love" (1 John 4:18). Intimacy involves trustworthiness---never revealing secrets, never betraying, never being unfaithful. Intimacy is spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical closesness. Intimacy is becoming one spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Just as a woman needs kind words and romantic deeds throughout the day to be assured of her husband's love, a man needs spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical closeness---to not feel lonely, to be held in the arms of his loving wife, to be carressed and comforted by her, to be accepted and encouraged by her, to be given affection by her, and to become one with her in every way. It is how he is treated at night that is more important to a husband. That is what will assure a husband of his wife's love, and that her words of love are genuine.

Because a man feels loved by being given intimacy, he may not realize that kind words and romantic deeds throughout the day outside the bedroom are the more basic needs of his wife. He may therefore try to express his love for her mostly by giving her this intimacy that so fulfills his own needs, thinking that surely it must fulfill her's also. The wise wife will realize that intimacy is an expression of her husband's love, and will receive it as such. It is a major mistake for a wife to withhold intimacy from her husband in an effort to punish him or to force him to modify his behavior throughout the day. So sinning against her husband will not correct his deficencies, but will rather make things worse. One exception beyond the scope of this article is if a husband is being unfaithful, and therefore might expose his wife to venereal diseases. If you are so unfortunate as to have this problem, please seek counsel from your pastor. Otherwise, remember that while you may not need physical intimacy to the same extent as your husband, you would nevertheless not want him to get another woman to take your place. That is exactly what you tempt him to do if you withhold intimacy. Remember that while intimacy is an emotional need for your husband, it is also a very real physical need for him, and God has given you the special privledge and joy of being the only person in the universe that can righteously satisfy that need.

1 Corinthians 7:1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

Verse 4 means that the wife does not have authority over her body once she marries, but has surrendered that authority to her husband. She may not say no. Likewise, the husband has surrendered authority over his body to his wife. He may not tell her no.

*** Even if you are tired

Women often use being tired as an excuse for withholding intimacy from their husband, as though their husband is not also tired. They say that they have had a hard day, as though their husband has had it easy all day. If your husband is faithful to you, and has come home to YOU, you should be very, very thankful. If your husband loves you so much that he is taking time out to connect with YOU, why would you possibly resent or reject that? The fact is, sex take a lot more energy out of a man, than it does from a woman. Also, if you are at home, you can lay down to rest any time you want. If your priorities are right, you can be rested up for your husband at night. Your husband cannot so rest at work. He must keep going even if he is exhausted. So, he is tired also---probably a lot more tired than you are. If you truly love your husband, you will not give so much of yourself to other people or interests that you have nothing left for him. Don't reject your husband when he tries to show love to you.

*** Even if he has made you angry

Eph. 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: 27 Neither give place to the devil.

If your husband makes you angry during the day, it is extremely important that you do not let that affect your feelings and behavior toward him that night. As long as intimacy remains in a marriage, there is great hope for things to get better. But to withhold intimacy is to defraud, and very few marriages can survive defrauding.

*** Sex is not enough

CAUTION. Sex alone is NOT enough. Many women think that all their husband wants is sex, and they make sure that is all he gets --- and that as seldom as possible. However, sex without love will NOT satisfy your husband, but will leave him feeling frustrated and lonely. It is NOT sufficient for your to "do your duty." If you do not look forward to being in his arms, he will be disappointed and feel cheated. If you consider sex with your husband to be a duty and not a privledge and joy, then you obviously do not consider your husband the special person you once made him think you felt him to be. In Rev. 3:16, God promises to spue out of His mouth those who are "lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot" in their love to Him. Lukewarm love is offensive to husbands also. It shows indifference and lack of concern. Lukewarm love is not true love. It shows you don't care about his feelings. If your husband has to ask you to sleep with him, your love for him is either lukewarm or cold. Fan the flames of your love for your husband to a white hot passion, and he will find you the most interesting creature upon earth.

*** Sex is holy, right, and good within the bonds of marriage

The marriage bed is God's idea, and is holy. "Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge" (Heb. 13:4). Sex within marriage is an act of worship toward God. It is cooperating with God for the procreation of children made in the image of God. Sex is God's idea, and He made sex pleasurable so that it would be engaged in often.

*** An enthusiastic wife is God's blessing upon the faithful married man

Proverbs 5:15 Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well. 16 Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets. 17 Let them be only thine own, and not strangers' with thee. 18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. 19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

Note what the above words say. You are the only cistern and the only well from which your husband is to drink to quench his thirst. You are the fountains that are to more than satisfy your husband's thirst for intimacy by giving him so much that he cannot contain it all and it overflows as rivers of water in the streets. You are to be his and his alone. God wants to bless you --- make you happy --- for being your husband's fountain. Your husband should rejoice with you for the taste of Heaven he always finds in you his wife. You are to be loving and pleasant, and you are to satisfy him at all times with your breasts. You are to ravish him with your love. The wife is to be the ravisher, and the husband the ravished. These words do not describe a passive woman "doing her duty." Rather they describe a wife taking an active and enthusistic role in lovemaking. To be ravished is to "fill with delight, to carry off by force." Ravish implies making the heart to beat faster. Ravish your husband, and he will consider you to be AWSOME!

*** Never rush intimacy with your husband. Let it last as long as possible.

If you give the impression that you are in a hurry to get to things more important or more enjoyable, you husband will not be convienced of your love.

Song of Soloman 1:12 While the king sitteth at his table, my spikenard sendeth forth the smell thereof. 13 A bundle of myrrh is my wellbeloved unto me; he shall lie all night betwixt my breasts. 14 My beloved is unto me as a cluster of camphire in the vineyards of Engedi. 15 Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes. 16 Behold, thou art fair, my beloved, yea, pleasant: also our bed is green. 17 The beams of our house are cedar, and our rafters of fir.

Song of Soloman 2: 3 As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. 4 He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. 5 Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples: for I am sick of love. 6 His left hand is under my head, and his right hand doth embrace me. 7 I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please.

The words "I am sick of love" in verse 5 above, mean "I am lovesick." Lovesickness is a great sickness to have. It is the only sickness that should be desired, and prayed for, and strived for. It is the greatest feeling on earth. We should pray to never be cured of lovesickness.

*** Tell your husband how much you admire and adore him.

Like you, he is not God. He cannot read your mind. If you do not express your admiration of his strong points he will never know you care. You love to hear his words of love and praise. Do unto him as you would have done unto you. Your loving words will encourage him more than you can imagine. "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof" (Proverbs 18:21). Your words can give life to your husband, and cause feelings that lie dead in his heart to sprout to life. Here is an example from the Bible to give you ideas of what to say:

Song of Soloman 5:10 My beloved is white and ruddy, the chiefest among ten thousand. 11 His head is as the most fine gold, his locks are bushy, and black as a raven. 12 His eyes are as the eyes of doves by the rivers of waters, washed with milk, and fitly set. 13 His cheeks are as a bed of spices, as sweet flowers: his lips like lilies, dropping sweet smelling myrrh. 14 His hands are as gold rings set with the beryl: his belly is as bright ivory overlaid with sapphires. 15 His legs are as pillars of marble, set upon sockets of fine gold: his countenance is as Lebanon, excellent as the cedars. 16 His mouth is most sweet: yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.

Praise your husband in private, and in public when he is present and when he is not present.

Love your husband by affirming him to be your God-given leader

You cannot be your husband's queen unless you willingly make him to be your king. Do you want your husband to put you above all other women on earth, including his own mother, who went through the valley of the shadow of death to give birth to him, and nurtured him at her own breasts, and loved and cared for him when he was completely helpless? What have you done for him to compete with that? You must realize that you are wanting more than any sinner deserves! Nevertheless, God has given you the power to be a queen. All you have to do to become a queen is to willingly make your husband your king. Does any man deserve to be a king? Of course not! But the only way you can be a queen is by making your undeserving husband your king. Reject him as your king, and you will be a poor, wretched, miserable serf.

Eph. 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. 3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; 4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. 5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: 6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

Note the key precipts in the verses above: to submit to, to be subject to, to obey, to reverence, to be in subjection to, to call him lord. Not Lord with a capital L. Your husband is not God. But lord with a lowercase l --- the man you willing choose to be your leader. Do you trust in God enough to do this? If you do, it will place you with Sara among the rarest of women, making you a queen!

The lesbians, pagans, and infidels of the Woman's Liberation Movement have persuaded most of the women in this country to hate God and to violently despise those commands of God. Such unbelievers will mock, and ridicule you if you submit to and obey your husband. And if you should actually go so far as reverence him and call him lord, they will no doubt consider you a threat and an enemy. But God will be pleased, and you will make your husband feel himself to be the most blessed man alive to have you for his wife. I dare say that in all of your life you have probably never heard any woman even once sincerely from the depths of her heart call her husband lord. Such a woman is priceless! All the wealth in the world cannot buy such a wife. She is rarer and more valuable than the largest, most perfect diamond. And YOU can be that woman by simply choosing to be! On the other hand, women who rebel against their husand and show him disrespect are as common as the gravel alongside the road. Are you woman enough to stand up against the ridicule of the unbelieving women so as to fully love your husband? Will you care more about your husband's feelings, or more about unhappy menhater's feelings?

THE CHOICE: choose to make your husband your king so that you can be his queen, or choose to consider your husband a stupid fool so that you can be among the rebellious, selfish, nagging, bitter women who tear their husband's heart out and destroy him. Behind every successful man there is a successful woman. "Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands" (Proverbs 14:1).

Love your husband by being faithful

Fornication and adultry are the norm today. People are covenant breakers; they cannot be trusted. They attempt to tear others down instead of building them up. But you are a Christian. You choose to be different. You choose virtue.

Proverbs 37:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. 11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. 12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. 13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. 14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. 15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. 16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. 17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. 18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. 19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. 20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. 21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. 22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. 23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. 24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. 25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. 30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

Love your husband by living in such a manner that he can "safely trust" in you. So doing will be a big step toward helping him maintain the peace of mind needed for him to be able to succeed at his calling. If he succeeds you have succeeded.

Love your husband by being happy

One of the most important ways to love your husband is to be happy. There is nothing that pleases a man more than to supply the needs of his wife---to rescue her from dangers, to provide for her welfare, to satisfy her desires. If his wife is happy, he feels successful as a man. If she is unhappy he feels like a failure.

This may come as a shock to you, but marriage does not make people happy. If you cannot be happy without a husband, you cannot be happy with a husband. Marriage is not the source of happiness. Happiness does not come from having a husband.

While your husband can do many things for you, he cannot actually make you happy, because happiness is a choice. Happiness is a state of blessedness which comes from choosing to respond correctly to God. Happiness results from God-centeredness, and unhappiness results from self-centeredness. We must all choose to be happy. So, if you do not choose to be happy, then no matter how hard your husband tries he will be unable to please you. The fact is, you can be happy without him doing a thing for you if you so choose. Or you can be unhappy no matter what he does for you if you so choose. It is all up to you, not up to your husband. So do not blame your husband if you are not happy. And don't blame God either. You can start being happy right this very instant if you so choose.

*** Happiness comes by choosing to be content with what you have

As a Christian woman you have God, and God is all you need. If you did not even have a husband or children or house or clothes or even food, you will always have God. God will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. And according to Gen. 15:1, God is "thy exceeding great reward." If you have God you are exceedingly rich! How wonderfully blessed you are to have the peace that passes all understanding that comes from knowing for sure you will go to Heaven some day. You have eternal life! You have a purpose for living! You are a child of the King of kings! You have a Heavenly Father who loves you and hears your prayers! How thankful and content you should be!

Hebrews 13:5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. 6 So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.

Be content with your husband's wages. God has commanded your husband to be content with his wages, and you also must be content.

Luke 3:14 And the soldiers likewise demanded of him, saying, And what shall we do? And he said unto them, Do violence to no man, neither accuse any falsely; and be content with your wages.

Learn to get by on the income God has provided, and do not buy things on credit. Having more material things will not make you happier, and may actually substract for the happiness you already have. The more you have, the more time and work is involved in taking care of those things. That substracts from quality time you can spend doing the things which really matter: praying, meditating in God's Word, winning people to Christ, ministering to your husband and children. In fact, you would be a lot happier if you would have a garage sell and get rid of EVERYTHING you don't actually need (or just give unneeded things away to people who do need them). Jesus said, "Take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a man's life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth" (Luke 12:15).

1 Tim. 6:6 But godliness with contentment is great gain. 7 For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. 8 And having food and raiment let us be therewith content. 9 But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition. 10 For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. 11 But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness.

All you really need is God, but you also have a husband, children, a house, a car, clothes, and countless other blessings. And here in the USA you have countless blessings only dreamed of in many other countries: nice roads, indoor toilets and safe sewage systems, running water, washers and dryers, air conditioners, stoves, ovens, micro-wave ovens, refrigerators, stereos, telephones, cell phones, computers, and we could go on and on! If you refuse to be content with all these blessings, then that proves that material things cannot bring happiness. Seeing that you have all these things, it is not God's fault, and it is not your husband's fault if you are not content; it is your own fault. God orders you to "be content," and all you have to do is obey His order for happiness to flood your soul.

Now do not misunderstand. This does not mean that we should not work toward the goal of improving our lot in life. We should have such goals. In fact, we are ordered in Gen. 1:28 to "subdue" this earth, and to "have dominion" over the things in it. But goals are for the future, and you are never living in the future, but in the here and now. If you want to be happy right here right now, then you must be content with what you have right here right now. And it is impossible to happy if you are not content.

Phil. 4:11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. 12 I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. 13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

According to the above verses, even if you are abased, hungry, and suffering need, you can still be content. You can do this because Christ will strengthen you and enable you to do it. Be content so you can be happy.

*** Happiness comes by choosing to be thankful

Most wifes today do not appreciate what their husbands have done, and are doing, for them. They are unthankful. That is really sad, and is unfair to the husbands. If you really want to love your husband, be thankful. Be thankful to God that you even have a husband, and be thankful to your husband that he chose you above all the women on this earth to be his wife. Quit thinking about his shortcomings, and start thanking him for all the many things he has done and is doing for you.

Col. 3:15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.

1 Thes. 5:18 In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

In "every thing" give thanks. In every situation, look for the good things to be thankful for. If life hands you a lemon, thank God for that lemon, and make lemonade. Some things about your husband that you might be thankful for, and express thankfulness for: that he loves you, and chose you to be his wife; that he is faithful; that he brings his paycheck home so you can buy food; that he works so you can stay at home to nurture and raise your children; that he has put up with all your griping and complaining all these years; that he is there for you when you are sick; that he loves you enough to want to see you reproduced in children; that he thinks you are beautiful; that he still enjoys your kisses and intimacy. Surely, if you will be honest with yourself, you can fill several pages with things for which you should be thankful.

If you will just choose in your heart to be thankful, it will make you happy with your husband. And when your husband sees that you are happy with him, it will make him feel loved.

*** Happiness comes by choosing to believe in God's goodness

Satan would have you believe that God is a monster who delights in keeping people from having fun so as to make them unhappy. But in truth just the opposite is the case. God greatly loves you, and wants you to be overflowing with happinesss. God delights in seeing you happy. God will withhold nothing good from you if you walk uprightly. God does, however, try to steer us away from destructive things that have only short-term pleasure and end in sorrow and regret. God loves us enough to correct us when we do such things. "For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth" (Proverbs 3:12).

Psalms 84:11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly. 12 O LORD of hosts, blessed is the man that trusteth in thee.

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Does ALL things really means ALL things? Does ALL mean even the hard times and the problems? Yes, ALL things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.. Do you believe this? Choose to believe in God's goodness, and you will be a much happier wife. Wake up each morning believing that "This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it" (Psalms 118:24). Realize that happiness is a choice. You will to do this. "we WILL rejoice and be glad in it."

*** Happiness comes by choosing to be of a merry heart

Merry means joyful and glad. It is just the opposite of sad and resentful. It is in your power to choose the attitude with which you will face life. You can choose to have a persecution complex, or you can choose to rejoice always in your blessings. You can choose to go around smiling and making people (including your husband) happy, or to go around with a frown making people (including your husband) sad.

Proverbs 15:15 All the days of the afflicted are evil: but he that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast.

Every day of your life will be evil for you if that is what you want. Or, even in the face of sorrows and tragedies, you can see the bright side of things and cheer other people up. What kind of a person will you choose to be for the rest of this day? this week? and this year?

Proverbs 15:13 A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.

Choose to be merry, and it will put a smile on your face. Your smile will cheer up your husband, and make him think that you actually like him. People will notice, and might even want to be like you. They might even end up trusting your Christ as their Savior!

Forget about your health problems. Forget about your hurt feelings. Quit thinking about yourself. Start putting God and others before yourself. Quit trying to get others to make you happy, and start serving others instead. This world does not revolve around you, and you will be forever disappointed and unhappy if you expect it to. Self-centeredness and selfishness is the reason most people are unhappy. It does not have to be that way with you.

Proverbs 17:22 A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.

Your merry heart can cure many of the problems in your marriage. By simply replacing bitter, resentful, hateful, and scarcastic words with a happy smile, an enthusiastic hug, a sincere kiss, and sweet words of thankfulness, appreciation, joy, gladness, and affection, you can turn your home into a miniture heaven upon earth for your husband and children.

Love your husband by being his help meet

A help meet is simply one who helps or succors. God created woman to help her own husband. God did not create woman to work at a job outside the home, helping someone else's husband.

Gen. 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. 19 And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. 20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. 21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; 22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. 23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. 24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. 25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

*** Being a help meet is a calling

Being a help meet is a calling. It is a very important ministry. It is what God's will is for every woman. God created you to help your husband (or, if you are not yet married, to help your dad). God did not create you to have a career outside the home. Careers for women is a humanist/atheist idea that will keep you from loving your husband, keep you from raising and nuturing your children, and may even destroy your home.

*** You husband was not made to help you---you were made to help him.

This is a plain Bible fact that all wise women will enthusiasticly embrase, simply because God says it is so.

1 Cor. 11:8 For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. 9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.

The unisex idea is wrong. Men and women are different, and they have different roles in life. Deny this and you are in for big trouble. The satanic Woman's Liberation Movement denies the truth of God's word, and tries to turn this around. Many women today think that their husbands were created to help them. It just isn't so.

Put your heart into helping your husband succeed. Only if he is successful are you successful. Stand by your man. Encourage him. Be his cheerleader. Fix his meals. Wash his clothes. Keep his house clean. Dedicate yourself to keeping him satisfied, relaxed and of a clear, untroubled mind. Protect him from people that would waste his time. Make it possible for him to be able to devote himself to suceeding at what God has called him to do. Help him is every way you can.

If you don't want to help your husband, then you are not worthy of the calling of the position of wife.

2 Thes. 1:11 Wherefore also we pray always for you, that our God would count you worthy of this calling, and fulfil all the good pleasure of his goodness, and the work of faith with power: 12 That the name of our Lord Jesus Christ may be glorified in you, and ye in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.

*** You are to be your husband's help meet, not the help meet of some other man.

Once you get married, you are your husband's help meet, not your father's help meet. Your first loyalty is to your husband, not to your father.

Once you get married, you are your husband's help meet, not the help meet of some other man at a workplace outside the home. You are to obey your husband, not some boss (someone else's husband or potential husband) outside the home. "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord" Eph. 5:22).

By helping your own husband, you are showing him love, and you are fulfilling your God-given calling in life.

Love your husband by bearing his children

If you really love your husband you want to see him reproduced. If a threefold cord is not quickly broken, then a fourfold cord is even stronger still. And a fivefold cord is even stronger still. Every child born strengthens your relationship with your husband.

The very first commandment in the Bible is that married people be fruitful and multiply.

Gen. 1:26 And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. 28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

Note that God "blessed them" in giving them this order. Children are not a curse like the atheists/humanists are teaching today. Satan hates children because he hates seeing the image of God in them. Children are a great blessing, for they bring love, joy, and purpose to a home. Children help moms and dads throw off selfishness and mature. By bearing and properly raising children a woman can influence this world for Christ through them in a many times greater way than she could by herself. Being a mother is a tremendously important calling.

The Future of True Love

True love --- the passionate, unconditional love God wants to rule in your marriage --- begins when you decide to treat your husband like a king, expecting nothing from him in return. To paraphrase a former president, Ask not what your husband can do for you, but ask what you can do for your husband. Such love is stronger than steel, and can overcome all disasters. Such love is priceless---all the gold on earth cannot buy it. Yet it is in your power to give such love to your husband. Your joy will be in the giving. It is truly more blessed to give than to receive. Light his fire, and feel the warmth!

Listen to what the wise bride said:

Song of Soloman 8:6 Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. 7 Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned.

Love is MUCH better than hate! Discover today the joy of loving your husband!

[Was this article helpful to you? Please send an email to to let me know! Copyright Jan. 2004 by Louis A.Turk. You may freely copy this article for non-profit use provided you do not alter it in any way, and provided this paragraph is included.]

Louis A. Turk, B.A., M.Div., Ph.D.


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